My Monologue
by Xenexian
Summary: A monologue based on a story from an exam paper. WARNING! mentions od drugs, alcohol and possible pregnancy. R&R my own stuff! schoolwork


**A/N:**** Since I said that I'd be adding up some of my school work for you to read, I thought, while I was at it, that I'd add my monologue. I got an A* for the written body and then a level 7b for my performance skills (top was 7a). It's basically following on from an AQA exam paper story called **_**'Your Shoes'**_**. It's written in the daughter's POV in the sort of format of a letter (it's as though she's speaking to the mother) and it explains why she ran away from her family. Basically, what happened was she came in drunk at 3 in the morning with a lost virginity and she had a massive row with her parents - her dad called her a dirty slut, so she ran away. This puts a different view onto the story so that it isn't all one-sided (**_**'Your Shoes'**_** was written from the mother's POV) and explains what I think happened.**

**Disclaimer:**** Uses facts and little titbits from **_**'Your Shoes'**_**. I don't own that, by the way.**

Throwing bundles of clothes into my gym bag, I felt warm, salty tears trekking down my face. Out of all my friends, I had never thought I would be the one to run, to escape from my family.

I can remember from ages ago, from when the arguments first started. Dad was always at work from when I woke up in the morning to when I went to bed. You were always hovering around, cooking and cleaning and treating me like I was a three year-old. There was this one day when gran visited, just a week before she died. Gran fawned over me, she gave me presents and money, showering me with affection. I think that maybe you were jealous of that, the fact that your own mother loved your daughter more than she loved you. But aside from that little detail, everything else was fine. Until that night. Until the night that changed everything.

Dropping me off at the party, dad didn't seem too happy but he knew that I would be okay. At least that's what he said to me. I entered the house and found Vanessa sipping on a glass of vodka. She offered me some, but I declined. I had to. Katie, my other friend, already knew why I couldn't drink and she hurried off to find me a soft drink.

When she had gone, I strayed away from Vanessa. Even though she didn't know my secret, the thing I would never tell her, I still felt guilty. To take my mind off her and my other problems, I looked around and saw the usual things: lines of coke on the table, cigarettes being passed around, people swaying in time to the too-loud music. I felt more than a little uncomfortable here too, but my friends were good to me. They didn't try and push me into things I didn't want to do, despite what you and dad thought.

For the rest of the night, I sat on the sidelines, watching everybody have fun. Towards the end of the night, I went to the bathroom, leaving my cup of Coca Cola (I always call it by the full name - whenever I say 'coke' it reminds me of the lines of white powder at the parties; it makes me really uneasy) unattended. I know now what a huge mistake that was, but at the time I thought nothing of it. With every sip of the drink I took, the more details of that night get blurred. The last thing I remember was overhearing Vanessa's conversation with her boyfriend and some other girls and telling her my secret, the thing I had vowed not to tell her. The next thing I saw was the ceiling and I found myself lying on the sofa in my house.

Yours and dad's faces were livid, hovering over me like two balloons. When dad started shouting, you just sat there in the background, chewing your nails and looking worried. That was pretty much your default setting when it came to me. When dad accused me of being drunk, _of course_ I fought back! I knew I hadn't touched _one drop_ of alcohol for months, but neither of you believed me. You just thought I was lying. I had never, and would never, lie to you. You can't count that one thing, my only secret. But that can't be lying, can it? Not if I didn't tell you. It was just an omission of the truth.

Anyway, I was sure that this argument would be like any other, that we would both apologize and forget about it. But I was wrong, as I had been so often those past couple of months. When dad shouted that I was a dirty slut, those unforgivable words, I just snapped. I despised myself afterwards for telling him I hated him, but I was still recovering from the drugs that had been slipped into my drink (or at least that's what I _think_ happened) and I was angry and hurt and, I admit it, I did hate him at that moment of time.

Looking back, I suppose that that fateful argument wasn't the only thing that pushed me over the edge. You were always so controlling, always treating me like I was a child. Gran was the only one who truly understood me, but she's gone now (which you _didn't tell me_) so she can't help me escape anymore. Yes, I packed my bag. Yes, I ignored you as I walked through the front door. But I didn't just do it for me, I wasn't just thinking about me, not that you've ever thought about me anyway. I knew that I would have to go soon anyway, before you noticed anything out of the ordinary.

So now here I am, sitting at the train station. People have been walking past me for hours, asking me if I am alright. I suppose I am. I look down at me feet and I think about my future. Maybe some day I can come home to you, dad and Vanessa, but I can't see it yet. After all, I _did_ sleep with her boyfriend and, after all, I have turned out pregnant. But that's just regarding Vanessa. With you and dad, mom, it's different. Harder. But maybe time away from you will do me good. Clear my head. I just hope that I bring my son or daughter up better than you bought up me.

**A/N:**** Sooo... I'm really glad that it turned out better than my first monologue (it was crap btw) lol**

**Until I think up a new parting line for y'all,**

**LozzT-In-Time**

**-xxx-**


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